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Bereavement
May 5th, 2008
Poems and Quotes for Remembering a Child
| It’s Hard to say good-bye before you’ve even had a chance to say hello. A MAN IN GRIEF by Eileen Knight Hagemeister To be a man in grief, Since “men don’t cry” and “men are strong” No tears can bring relief. It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test And field calls and visitors So she can get some rest. They always ask if she’s all right
And what she’s going through, But seldom take his hand and ask, “My friend, but how are you?” He hears her crying in the night And thinks his heart will break. He dries her tears and comforts her, But “stays strong” for her sake. It must be very difficult
To start each day anew And try to be so very brave– He lost his baby too.
“I’ll lend you for a little time A child of Mine,” He said, “For you to love the while he lives And mourn for when he is dead. It may be six or seven years, Or twenty two or three; But will you, ’til I call him back, Take care of him for Me? He’ll bring his charms to gladden you, And should his stay be brief, You’ll have his loving memories As solace for your grief. I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return, But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn, I’ve looked the wide world over In My search for teachers true, And from all the throngs that crowd Life’s lanes I’ve selected you. Now will you give him all your love, Not think the labor vain, Nor hate Me when I come to call To take him back again?” I fancied that I heard them say,
“Dear Lord, Thy will be done.” For all the joy Thy child shall bring, The risk of grief we’ll run. We’ll shelter him with tenderness, We’ll love him while we may, And for the happiness we’ve known, Forever grateful stay; But should the angels call for him Sooner than we’ve planned We’ll brave the bitter grief That comes and try to understand.” But Souvenirs Author Unknown
Daughters may die,
But why? For even daughters can’t live with half a heart. Three days isn’t much of a life. But long enough to remember thin blue lips, uneven gasps in incubators, Racking breaths that cause a pain to those who watched. Long enough to remember I never held her Or felt her softness Or counted her toes. I didn’t even know the color of her eyes. Dead paled hands not quite covered by the gown she Was to go home in. Moist earthy smell. One small casket. And the tears. You see, I hold in my hand but souvenirs of an occasion. A sheet of paper filled with statistics, A certificate with smudged footprints, A tiny bracelet engraved “Girl, Smith.” You say that you are sorry That you know how I feel. But you can’t know because I don’t feel. Not yet. When your parent dies you’ve lost your past, but when your child dies you’ve lost your future.
It is I whose kicks you will always remember,
I who gave you heartburn that a dragon would envy, I who couldn’t seem to tell time and got your days and nights all mixed up, It is I who acknowledged your craving for peach ice cream by knocking the cold bowl off your belly, I who went shopping and helped you pick out the “perfect” teddy bear for me, I who liked to be cradled in your belly and rocked off to dreamy slumber by the fire, It is I who never had a doubt about your love, It is I who was able to put a lifetime of joy in an instant. Death and life are the same mysteries.
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“A person’s a person, no matter how small.”…Dr. Seuss You will probably feel very lonely in your grief. No one else knew your baby except you, the parents. Others will soon forget. You will continue to remember your child’s impact on your life. DID YOU LOOK BACK? by Tami Pugh Did you look back?
I think you did. As you crossed through the Valley of the Shadow. Although I think that you were glad to set down your burden. You never spoke your love for us– You never could in this life. But I think I felt your soul expand as it unfurled from its restrictions. And I do feel that you looked back as you walked toward the light.
“Human Beings should not die without their names being remembered or else human beings don’t count.”
I carried you in hope, the long nine months of my term, remembered that close hour when we made you, often felt you kick and move as slowly you grew within me, wondered what you would look like when your wet head emerged, girl or boy, and at what glad moment I should hear your birth cry, and I welcoming you with all you needed of warmth and food; we had a home waiting for you. After all my strong labourings,
sweat cold on my limbs, my small cries merging with the summer air, you came. You did not cry. You did not breathe. We had not expected this; it seems your birth had no meaning, or had you rejected us?
They will say that you did not live,
register you as a stillborn. But you lived for me all that time in the dark chamber of my womb, and when I think of you now, perfect in your little death, I know that for me you are born still; I shall carry you with me forever, my child, you were always mine, you are mine now.
IF By Dr. Beverly Sicherer
If I knew it would be the last time that I’d see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep, If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more. If I knew it would be the last time I’d hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day. If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute or two to stop and say “I love you, instead of assuming, you would KNOW I do. If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, Well I’m sure you’ll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away. For surely there’s always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, And we always get a second chance to make everything right. There will always be another day to say our “I love you’s”, And certainly there’s another chance to say our “Anything I can do’s?” But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I’d like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget, Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.. So if you’re waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you’ll surely regret the day, That you didn’t take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss And you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish. So hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear, Tell them how much you love them and that you’ll always hold them dear, Take time to say “I’m sorry,” “please forgive me,” “thank you” or “it’s okay”. And if tomorrow never comes, you’ll have no regrets about today. Dear Babe that almost was, yet could not be; Torn by the pounding surf, swept out to sea. (Redbook Magazine - 1968)
Stillborn,
I am not sure I understand.
Is it a babe who is born
In the hush of a morning’s breath Before the birds begin to sing? No. This is not stillborn, though We would like it to be.
Is it a babe who is born so quiet,
So still, that the angels hush Their rustling wings to hear If she will not draw a tiny breath? Perhaps. This is very close, but surely, it means more. Stillborn, Born, still to us, but alive to God! Yes, now I understand, Stillborn . . . I WONDER by Mary Rose Did she look like you, or
did she look like me? Coal black hair, blue eyes. Formed perfectly. So they say. Why didn’t I see for myself?
I thought it’d be too hard
But now it’s even harder Strangers saw. I needed to see. Why not me? I was her mother.
I should have known.
But now I can only wonder….
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